Part of me thinks this is complete bullshit. A break? Things that break normally don’t go back together very well. And I know what the wait is for – someone flying to work in Scotland, meaning someone else is going to be alone – and frankly, being switched off because someone else needs time to deal with stuff? Reeks of insincerity. I don’t know. This is the angry part of my brain that generally wants to solve things with alcohol, firearms, or the good old headbutt – none of which would help right now. By this time tomorrow, I should have an email, which’ll have an apology, a brief pseudo-explanation, and a ‘we’re okay’ attitude; I know how it’ll work.
All or nothing. It’s the way my brain works, like an axe. There’s no subtlety with an axe, no half-measures, just short, sudden black and white outcomes. In the past that sort of mental state has led to some… well, let’s put it bluntly. I’ve had psychotic episodes. Not violently psychotic, but ‘I’m not here right now’ psychosis. Total emotional detachment, manipulative, sociopathic behaviour. Something upstairs leaves the cockpit, hitting the autopilot switch, and the autopilot is a cruel, merciless son of a bitch.
*breathes*
Scary thing is I got so into work today, I didnt have much time to think about anything. Which is probably why it’s all coming out now. I’m a damn good forklift driver, but jeez do I get focused.
More tomorrow. I’ll update this thing. Again.
Scotland, eh? I know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who could do a job. Or maybe just a rough up with a personalised touch?
C’mon! I’m much too self-reliant to call someone else in for something like that!
I’d do it myself. If I could see a point to it.
And I woke this morning to my phone going off, and several emails. Precisely as I’d predicted, if a little earlier. And the reasons were just what I suspected. I’m still contemplating how to deal with things frankly. It might be a slow day.